The argument against them seems to be, essentially; why assign labels when everyone does things differently, and when certain labels can make others feel negatively. For example: there are many parenting groups under the labels 'natural', 'gentle' and 'conscious'. By not feeling a part of those groups, does that mean you are unnatural, aggressive and not thinking about your choices? Well, no. And I can see why it may feel somewhat offensive.
BUT, I do actually think they have a purpose, these labels. On the crazy journey that is parenting there is absolutely truck loads of information out there. Some good, some bad, some ugly and some that's neither here nor there. It stands to reason that, amidst all the madness, many of us will find philosophies that appeal to us. And often, once you start finding bits that you want to take on board, they might lead you onto more. They can often open the door to a whole way of thinking that will then shape the way you try to parent.
Children don't stay the same. They are ever changing, ever challenging, lovable yet frustrating creatures. So, it goes that once we have found some pieces of the puzzle that work for us, we are going to need to find new ones as the puzzle unfolds. And what better way to search for them, if you feel the need to search, than to find information that sits under the same umbrella philosophy you were already following?
And without labels that give an idea towards the way of thinking behind certain information you are considering delving into, things would get rather tricky...not to mention time consuming.
The important thing, in my humble opinion, is to be open minded. I do believe there are many books etc out there with advice that is downright harmful, and it angers me that it is allowed to be sold to people who are just trying to find their way and do their best for the people they love the most. But, if you are certain that the information you have read, and try to follow, is based on the best research, that doesn't mean that you have to disregard parents who do things differently. The heat between different 'sides' can get pretty intense, and people can so often judge, scorn and worse. But, if you truly wish for others to learn then you need to be understanding and open so that they can be too. It needs to be a conversation, not a lecture. Nobody wants to listen to someone tell them they've made bad choices, especially in something so important. We're more receptive when we don't feel too defensive. Passive information sharing is a nice little phrase I've just come in to contact with which bodes well with me. Much better than telling someone what you think they should do.
I can't say I'm perfect, who is? And I would love to figure out better ways to impart information that I believe to be important without offending. But, I do try to always keep in mind, like a mantra almost, that: MOST parents are just trying to do their best for their child, a person they love more than any other person can.
And, that, I reckon, is the crux of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment